How to Have Peace

One late night in 2006, I made a decision that changed my life. I decided to read through my entire Bible as if it were written to me personally. I was searching for answers, trying to find truth, seeking to apply it to my life.

I started in Genesis, but I quickly moved into the books of Exodus and Leviticus. I didn’t understand much about the sacrifices presented at the beginning of Leviticus, but when I came to Leviticus 11, with its listing of foods that were clean and unclean, I suddenly started to pay close attention.

I had been getting sicker and sicker over my entire adult life. I had already had five children, and with each new baby, my body struggled more and more. My biggest concern was that I would pass out, but I had general fatigue and weakness all over my body.

I had tried numerous diets, so by this time in my life, I was truly interested in what YHVH’s opinion of healthy food might be. A recent popular health book had suggested that pork was not healthy for us,[1] so I recognized the animals in Leviticus 11 as being on the book author’s “forbidden” foods list.

I wasn’t even sure what all the strange-sounding animals in Leviticus 11 were, and I figured I probably didn’t eat very many of them, but pork really stood out to me. We had recently purchased an upright freezer, and I knew that it contained quite a bit of pork purchased on sale from a local store. Our budget was tight, so this had felt like a big blessing. Besides, bacon and ham were delicious! Lard made wonderful pie crusts and biscuits. I didn’t see how we could stop eating pork any time soon.

The summer continued, and I kept reading my Bible. I finished the entire thing in about 3 months, but by August, my health took a turn for the worse. Over the course of the fall, I would be diagnosed with Addison’s disease – and my illness put me to bed for many weeks. I just didn’t have the strength to do anything.

I remember begging God to heal me, but healing did not come. I would think about what I had read in the Torah, and I would wonder if maybe those food instructions in Leviticus 11 applied to me after all.

I read numerous books about why I was not under the Law any more. As my strength improved, I would go outside in the gorgeous fall weather, sitting on a blanket in the grass under a tree with my Bible and a stack of theology books, and I would argue with God about pork.

For over a year, I studied and argued and read and debated. Just as the new believers in Acts slowly started to understand the Torah, I continued to read and study my Bible, trying to understand how it applied to my life, as a Christian in America. My husband asked me to stay away from any Jewish websites, because he wanted to protect me from drifting away from the Scripture alone. It was hard, but I tried to honor his request.

Plain reading said that pork was not what God wanted for us. I studied the common passages used to show that “all foods were now clean,” but I could see that they were being taken out of context. I could see that it was starting to become an issue of obedience.

By fall of 2007, I came to a point of decision. I had also studied about the biblical feast days (which we’ll talk about in a coming blog post), and the Feast of Trumpets was coming. We didn’t know much about how to celebrate it, but as the sun set (and I knew that feasts always started at sunset), I decided to sit down at the piano and play some songs about the shed blood of Jesus and think about His atoning sacrifice for me.

I had recently purchased a new vocal/piano book,[2] and I decided to just play straight through it. The first few songs were filled with praise for all that Christ had done for me.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My Richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

See, from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love mingled down.
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all!

Oh, the wonderful cross,
Oh, the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find
that I may truly live.[3]

Demands my soul, my life, my all? Even my food? That was such a small thing. Surely it didn’t matter!

Bids me come and die… But it’s such a small thing, Lord! Surely it won’t make that much difference.

…That I may truly live.

God has a sense of humor, for the next song cut right to the quick.

Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world,
They resound with God’s own heart.
O, let the ancient words impart

Words of life, words of hope,
Give us strength, help us cope.
In this world, where e’er we roam,
Ancient words will guide us home.

Ancient words, ever true,
Changing me and changing you;
We have come with open hearts,
O, let the ancient words impart.[4]

I had been instilled with a deep love for the Word of God from my childhood, given to me by my faithful parents. I knew that the “ancient words” of Scripture were calling to me, to put down my idols and to walk by faith, by obedience.

In fact, the words of 2 Peter 1:3 had been heavy on my mind throughout the past year:

“His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue” (2 Peter 1:3).

Would I choose to walk in the way of life and godliness, or would I cling to the package of bacon in the freezer?

It felt like time stood still.

I turned the page to the next song:

Jesus, I’ve forgotten the words that You have spoken;
Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim.
With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom.
Forgive me for my unbelief;
Renew the fire again.

Lord, have mercy;
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy on me.

I have built an altar where I worship things of man.
I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You.
Now I am returning to Your mercies ever-flowing.
Pardon my transgressions;
Help me love You again.

Lord, have mercy;
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy on me.

I have longed to know You & Your tender mercies,
Like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end.
I bow my heart before You in the goodness of Your presence,
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night.

Lord, have mercy;
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy on me.[5]

I couldn’t make it through the song. The tears just flowed down my cheeks. For the first time in my life, I understood the depth of my sin. His Word said that bacon was a sin. A sin! An abomination in His sight! [6]

Yet I clung to my sin and would not repent. I willingly bought more, putting the idols of money and pleasure ahead of Him. I knew it was a sin, but I chose to do it anyway.

In spite of my sin, He had sent His only Son to die for me. His blood had been shed for the remission of my sin. I could be forgiven.

Yet I still chose to sin.

How could I claim to call Him my Lord, my Master, when I would not do what He said? How could I claim to be forgiven of my sin when I woke up each morning and chose to willfully continue in sin?

With many tears, I bowed my head and confessed my sin. Then I stood up and put every bit of pork into a black garbage bag and carried it out to the can outside.

I went back to the piano and played “Lord Have Mercy” again. This time, I had a new, deep, true understanding of the mercy of my Savior.

I also had a new resolve to follow Him in obedience, whatever it took.

I know that I accepted Jesus as my Savior from sin when I was five years old, praying in childlike faith to accept Him into my heart. I meant it, and I know He heard my prayer.

I also know that I dedicated my life to Him several times as an older child and teenager, committing myself to His service however He would have me.

But I don’t think I ever repented of my sin like I did in September 2007. That was the night when sin stared me in the face, and I realized what being a sinner was, what mercy was.

When I stopped putting unclean food into the temple of my body, where His Holy Spirit dwelled, I became a clean vessel for His service.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

And I knew peace, for the first time.

As it is written: ‘There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; they have together become unprofitable; there is none who does good, no, not one. Destruction and misery are in their ways; and the way of peace they have not known‘” (Romans 3:10-12, 16-17).

“Great peace have those who love Your law, and nothing causes them to stumble” (Psalm 119:165).

All Scripture in this blog post taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

[1] The Maker’s Diet, by Jordan Rubin

[2] Worship Again, by Michael W. Smith.

[3] Tomlin, Chris, J.D. Walt, Jesse Reeves, “The Wonderful Cross,” Worship Again (Franklin, TN: Brentwood-Benson Music, 2002), pp. 18-24.

[4] Deshazo, Lynn, “Ancient Words,” Worship Again (Franklin, TN: Brentwood-Benson Music, 2002), pp. 25-30.

[5] Merkel, Steve, “Lord Have Mercy,” Worship Again (Franklin, TN: Brentwood-Benson Music, 2002), pp. 31-37.

[6] Leviticus 11, Isaiah 66:17.